I have had some recent conversations that seem to boil down to this one question: when should a guy kiss a girl, prior to actually being in a relationship?  This question is tricky, because hidden inside it is the question, “when does a girl decide (for better or for worse) whether she wants to be involved with a guy?”

Some of those I’ve talked to believe this determination happens very early – maybe as early as meeting the person.  We subconsciously evaluate physical attractiveness even as we focus on high-level reasons to be friends.  But does the determination of compatibility come this early?  And is it unchangeable?  Maybe a person doesn’t know that they have already decided on the question of compatibility, but it will be apparent later (regardless of what the other person does).  This camp would say kiss at the appropriate time, “when the moment feels right,” but it won’t have any particular influence on the (potential) relationship.

Others I’ve talked to believe that it’s not as cut and dried – everything that comes after meeting a person, up to and including getting physical (kissing etc.), influences your compatibility in sort of a continuous way.  A kiss is a kind of question that asks the other person to adjust their thinking about the other person – or maybe more accurately, provides more information on which to make that determination.  This camp would say kiss sooner rather than later, to give (and get) more information [feeling] that can influence each person’s stance on the (potential) relationship.

I’m not sure how I feel – I tend toward thinking it relies a lot on the particular guy and girl involved, and thus more on the side of the latter.  But then, I often factor comfort level in (“when the moment feels right”) and I’m sure I get it wrong a lot. 😛