Posts Tagged self


A lot of my life I have done “on the job training” – I didn’t really do a bunch of programming until I needed to do it for a physics laboratory job, so I learned. I didn’t really do any games programming until I needed to do it for a games job, so I learned. And so on. However, I do enjoy learning in a school environment – and I often feel very motivated to work on something other than work, you know?

So I’ve been considering looking into what sort of short-ish courses I could take, either online or on nights/weekends, to enrich myself, which has naturally led to an introspective question: what is something I don’t know much about that I would like to? The first things that come to mind are:

  • Philosophy (I think a fair bit about it, even though I’ve admittedly only read casually about the subject.)
  • Engineering proper, perhaps electrical! (I enjoy the idea of making things and can come up with fantastical theoretical ideas, but I have no experience or training in actually making things work.)
  • Writing (I have done a fair bit of writing – TONS of on-the-job training – but I’m not really educated in how to write, and it might be interesting to become so.)

It’s something I’ll be considering as the year progresses – never a dull moment on the route to self-improvement!

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Philosophy of Mixology

Tonight I’m co-hosting a party with the amazing Paul Barclay and Erin Alexander, whereby they will make delicious tapas-style food and I will recommend and mix drink pairings for guests. It’s super exciting, and I am woefully underprepared! Just now I am sitting down to take a look at the menu (this stuff looks frickin’ delicious) and wondering about:

  • whether I’ll have access to the appropriate mixers
  • whether I should be pre-determining components rather than full drinks, to better suggest a pairing for the individual
  • what sort of drinkers will be at the party (I’m best at hard liquor mixing, pretty bad at recommending beers and wines)

My general philosophy with mixing drinks for friends is to ask simple questions that help determine taste. For example, do you like drinks on the fruitier side? Or more “fresh”/”clean” tasting (like a martini)? Using a series of these questions (usually no more than three), I can find a tasty drink for the person. Doing pairings will be trickier, since I want to recommend a good drink to go with the dish but I don’t want to be giving tequila-based stuff to a rum drinker. Haven’t quite cracked that chestnut yet.

One thing I know for sure – after about two drinks, everyone’s going to love the third, so that takes the pressure off. :) Also, I’ll probably be taste-testing my creations, so I’m sure I’ll de-stress pretty quickly too! ūüėģ

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On Certainty

I’ve been giving thought to the idea of certainty and how it affects one’s life. In my opinion, certainty is like faith – if you have it, it’s because you believe something so strongly that no doubt remains in your mind. My scientific mind rebels at this, the skeptic in me screaming that you can never KNOW enough to prove beyond doubt using only the evidence of your eyes and your experience. So I remain uncertain, unwilling to commit to only one of many possible outcomes whenever there is even a shadow of a doubt.

There is a hidden cost to uncertainty, though, and that’s insecurity. When you are certain you are doing the right thing, or when you are certain in some aspect of your own future, you are confident and untroubled. Even new information fits into the framework of your certainty, and your faith can remain unshaken. When you are uncertain about your choices and your future, you doubt yourself and wonder how many things lie outside your control or ability to influence. Every new piece of information can trigger a staggering amount of reevaluation and that’s no recipe for confidence.

Is there a middle ground? I wonder about people who “want to believe” – is the desire to have certainty enough to inspire confidence? I feel this way about free will – as many folk I have talked to say, you either have faith in it, or you must live your life like you do, in a “fake it ’til you make it” kind of way. How dishonest is it to fool yourself into certainty? Even if it’s effective, is it worth the cost to open-mindedness?

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2011, Here We Come

Now that I have made the last decision I needed to make for 2010 (which New Year’s Eve party I would be attending) I now face my first 2011 decision: what resolutions should I take with me into the new year as noble goals toward self-improvement? ¬†I’ve been reviewing my choices (from among the 23 or so I put down in the blog over the first part of December) and here’s what I’ve come to:

  • Designate a week where I will reply in the affirmative to every (reasonable) request to go out, hang out and otherwise get out (of my comfort zone).
  • Take Max on a camping trip at least twice, for a period of two or more days each, possibly with other friends involved on the trip too.
  • Track my spending for at least month to create a simple budget.
  • Plan no more than six meals ‚Äúout‚ÄĚ each week for a month, with a ‚Äúthese meals planned‚ÄĚ calendar on my fridge at home.

There are a few others that are right over my horizon if I complete these satisfactorily. ¬†Four goals that are relatively timebound should be a good start – we’ll see how it goes!

Finally, thank you, dear reader, for sticking with me during this very interesting and enjoyable year-of-blogs! ¬†I’ll be back in the New Year with some different types of content and I’m sure a few regular-style blogs too.

Happy New Year, everyone! :)

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Year in Review: Summary

I went in to give blood today, and as part of the routine questionnaire they always give, the guy asked me where I had traveled in the last 12 months. ¬†It was an unexpected reminder of how awesome this year has been, as I thought back to the Magic Cruise, my trips to Pro Tours San Juan and Amsterdam, and all of the amazing friends I’ve met and grown closer to over the last twelve months.

One of the themes of this year’s blog, if you read between the lines, is that I am very very hard on myself. ¬†I am constantly upset at how poorly I’m doing compared to the Ideal Dave I have shadowing me in my mind. ¬†I am thinking again and again of all these wonderful projects I could do only to fail to find time or energy to do them. ¬†I fail to attend some social gathering and beat myself up over it. ¬†The list goes on. ¬†But now, taking a step back, I can see that if I look at Real Dave, not some imaginary ideal I have constructed for myself – well, he did a pretty great job with this year, and this year with him.

The highlights of this year were:

  • the Magic Cruise, reconnecting with the folk who attended the first one and meeting some wonderful new people (can’t wait for this year’s!)
  • my 30th birthday in San Juan
  • Karaoke Mondays, especially the, uh, Thursday with the Community Cup folks and later special guest stars Tom, Aaron and PV
  • my career shift into game design working with an excellent set of people
  • the focus this blog has given me in understanding how my brain works and what matters to me
  • the multiple marriages and engagements of my friends (they keep coming, and they are all great!)

Every trip I took for work or related to work brought with it a few days of the same awesome times with those awesome people. ¬†Every night out with friends gave me a chance to cut loose, something I definitely don’t do often enough. ¬†And now every day I spend at work I have a lot of fun and a lot of challenges that are rewarding to tackle.

Sure, some things could be better – they always could – but lots of things are way better than I have any right to expect! :)

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Year in Review: Resolutions 5

Today was a pretty incredible day, even though it feels like I didn’t actually accomplish very much. ¬†I went to pick up a new awesome beanbag chair – a huge one! – through a series of sunny snowshowers, which was surreal. ¬†I also managed to get my new Dance Pad set up with StepMania (the open source version of DDR, thanks Nate and Sam!) along with the old DDR song mixes from the PS2 that Todd and I used to work out to… so the circle is complete!

Onward, to finish up these resolutions!

9. Travel to one of {mainland Asia, Australia, sub-Saharan Africa}.

Hrm. ¬†Well, if I had indeed done any sort of planning on this one beyond simple thought, I might give myself some credit, but the sad truth is that I didn’t. ¬†I got a little wrapped up in other travel this year – Los Angeles, San Francisco, Florida/Grand Cayman/Jamaica, San Juan, Amsterdam, Minneapolis, Madison – that I didn’t really ever have the presence of mind to plan out a trip to Asia/Australia/Africa. ¬†This is still a long-term goal of mine, as I love traveling to new places, so I may see what I can do planning-wise next year. ¬†Overall, major failure. :(

10. Stress less.

This one is super difficult to evaluate – am I less stressed now than I was in past years? ¬†In my work, yes, I think so. ¬†Even though I am often busier in my new role as game designer, I am happier and managing it better. ¬†In my social life, it’s kind of a push – I have a lot of great folk I see, but I stress sometimes because of awkwardness among friend groups or because I just don’t have enough energy or time to see them all. ¬†I stressed quite a bit about women this year, but I wouldn’t say that’s particularly different than other years. ūüėÄ ¬†Overall, I’ll give this the barest of minor successes. ¬†I have a ways to go, but I have started along the path to more stress-free living.

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Year in Review: Resolutions 4

Mike and I were just having a conversation about my blog for the year (and how he has been a loyal reader!) when I told him my post about him on 9/1 was the most popular this year.  That of course led him to promote it on FB and Twitter. :)  In the meantime, time to get this series on my prior resolutions finished so we can move on to (specific) resolutions for next year!

7. Go out (as in, social activity outside my normal friend circles) at least three times a month.

I didn’t plan it exactly, but I ended up going out about three times on average to karaoke once the year got rolling, and about once a week on average over the weekend to… something new. ¬†Of the social activities I participated in this year, my favorites were my friend Amy’s performance in Belltown, The Stranger’s Hump (amateur porn film festival) and Event & Adventures’ outing to Comedy Underground with Dhuse and Emily. ¬†Overall, I’m going to give myself a minor success, because although I didn’t exactly go “outside my normal friend circles,” I did strengthen and build quite a few friendships anyway!

8. Study some physics books and take two GRE Physics practice tests ‚Äď receiving a better score on the latter!

Oof. ¬†I totally bailed on this one. ¬†Physics does still really interest me, and it really bugs me when conversations come up at work that I should be able to contribute to in a¬†scientifically-minded way but can’t because all of my previous knowledge has leaked out. ¬†This goal was probably too ambitious anyway – I should start with a refresher course if I start back into Physics, because the ordered, structured and most importantly *scheduled* activity will be a good starting point. ¬†Overall, major failure! ūüėõ

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Year in Review: Resolutions 3

I’ve been trying to kickstart this coding project I’ve been meaning to do, but man, the tedium of data access is really bogging me down. ¬†I will probably switch to game designs tomorrow, although tomorrow might be JAM PACKED with ADVENTURE. ¬†We’ll see!

5. Host three different out-of-town friends (or friend-couples) at my place for at least two days each.

Although I have once again spent some of the year taking friends up on offers to stay with them or at least come hang out with them, I was not successful in my plan to get some of them to come out here and stay with me at Casa de Guskin. ¬†Looking back, this was kind of a bad year for friends to visit me in Seattle – not only did I end up doing a ton of travel for work, but I “canceled” our standing PAX plan by going to Amsterdam and I probably levied pressure to visit at my busiest friends – in hindsight, not the greatest plan to acquire visitors! ¬†Overall, moderate failure.

6. Create a pros/cons document for each reasonable career path I could take.

This one is interesting – over the course of the year, I had a pretty major career shift from web developer to game designer (although I was tending toward game-designy projects while still a programmer). ¬†I did spend time categorizing both of those potential career paths, but I didn’t treat a number of others – return to laboratory science, law, some other business role (like entrepreneur). ¬†Still, I did manage to spend a fair bit of thought on this one in the course of making my career change. ¬†Overall, minor success!

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Year in Review: Resolutions 2

This vacation has been nice and relaxing so far, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anything done, exactly. ¬†Which is an odd feeling to have on a vacation, but still. ¬† I have been trying to finish World of Goo, which I have hilariously owned for a while courtesy Sam, but got stuck and left it (not wanting to get overly frustrated by it), and may move on to other video games after that. ¬†I have two games to design and a project to code – I just need to get myself back into a regular “work at home” schedule!

3. Exercise three times a week.

Unfortunately, exercise is one routine I never really got myself back into, and it shows. ¬†I feel pretty out of shape, have for a while, and haven’t been able to consistently get myself to the gym or any sort of reasonable workout ethic. ¬†Over the past year, I have re-started workouts in fits and starts, but never more than twice in a week and often with many weeks skipped. ¬†I *do* have this new DDR workout program going – five days in a row now! – so that’s been helping, but still, mission unsuccessful. ¬†Overall: minor failure.

4. Prepare food for myself at least seven times a week (counting breakfast).

Interestingly, both resolutions today are ones I have been doing much much better at over this holiday break! ¬†I would say that over the course of the year, just like exercise, I have attempted to cook for myself in short runs, and done okay at it. ¬†Especially over the latter half of the year, I have been failing at this goal, but within the last week I have already prepared myself a good 12 meals or so! ¬†So this one is looking up, but I won’t exactly make up the shortfall by year end. :) ¬†Again, getting into an automatic routine never happened with food prep at home. ¬†Overall: another minor failure.

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Year in Review: Resolutions 1

I kind of ran out of new resolutions to make, so we’ll leave it at an awkward 23. ¬†As I mentioned before, I don’t think I’ll be doing ALL of them, but I do intend to pick a few to start with by the start of the new year. ¬†So, how did this past year’s resolutions go? ¬†Not particularly well, honestly. ¬†I’ll be evaluating myself on them over the course of the next few days. ¬†Luckily, today is thumbs up for me!

1. Write one blog entry a day.

I think I nailed this one. ¬†Although there were some days I posted late (the cruise, work trips where I forgot, etc.), the record shows I do indeed have a blog per day for the year to date. ¬†More than that, I really feel like I wasn’t making excuses-for-blogs, and I felt like I connected with the correct part of my mind in terms of lettings my thoughts and feelings out onto the page. ¬†If you were to tell me at the start of the year how detailed and widely-varied my topics in this blog were going to be, and how open I ended up being in it, I would not have believed you. ¬†Overall, major success!

2. Spend five hours each week on personal ‚Äúside projects‚ÄĚ ‚Äď websites, games, etc.

On average, I think I have been spending more like two per week, and I haven’t really completed anything. ¬†I think the biggest problem with this goal is that although it is measurable, it is not appropriate – I think I would have been much better served choosing a side project and resolving to complete it. ¬†When I made Breeze, I definitely felt like the primary motivator of completing it so others could use it worked very well for pushing me forward. ¬†Overall, minor success (I did contribute to this resolution, after all) with an eye toward re-statement in the future!

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